A Moment Before Death
by thebrunetteone
Summary: An interpretation of the night before Torak leaves Renn to find the Eagle Owl Mage, he finds himself struggling to rein in his emotions.


**Note:** this is an interpretation of the scene between Torak and Renn, the night before he leaves to find Eostra. It is in Chapter Twenty Three of Ghost Hunter.

**Disclaimer:** if you recognise it, it's not mine

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><p>Once <em>again,<em> he has been the cause behind her pain. He can barely remember each instance in which he has hurt her, or been the reason behind her being hurt, but there is a deep well of guilt and a little self-disgust inside his chest.

Seeing her gingerly twitch her toes – and then try to hide a grimace – makes him resolute. This time, _this last time_, he must protect her from harm. _Her, and the rest of the Forest. _

As Juksakai awkwardly leaves them alone in the shelter, he feels her anger bristle.

"_One day,_" she says, "then we can go into the Gorge together."

How does she know that _that_ is exactly what he wants – to be with her, to be together? But he must not yield to his selfishness now. Not when he knows that this will be his final journey. He tells her that he cannot afford to wait that long, and before she can talk him out of it with her piercing words, he says he must leave.

But she stops him just before he can leave the shelter, and looks at him, really _looks_ at him, and in that moment, he knows that she knows his thoughts as he knows hers. He is struck by the unfairness of it; of everything.

"You know," she says simply.

Her eyes are surprised, guilty and slightly pitying all at once. She is talking about the fact that he is well aware of the fate that awaits him on the Mountain. He nods the affirmative. There is no reason to lie to her – for tomorrow he would leave her. _As you always do,_ he thinks bitterly, _but this time, it really is for the best._

Valiantly, she tries to comfort him. He will have none of it, or his iron-strong will might melt, and he might succumb to his selfish desires. He tries to convince her that he could even _defeat_ Eostra – the words sound slightly ridiculous to his own ears – and at the same time, tries to convince himself.

She stares at him, wide-eyed, and he is reminded that despite her strength and tenacity, she is still young; still has much to learn. She still has so much _time_; she will still grow, and laugh, and make mistakes, and make new friends, and find a mate. _And you will not,_ he reminds himself, and then begins to roll up his sleeping-sack. He must go before he is dragged down by the heavy emotions in his chest.

"Where are you going?" she asks, and a tiny spark erupts in his chest when he notices the indignation of her tone.

"I'll sleep in the other shelter, head off at dawn. You stay here. Get some rest," he says. He knows that if he stays with her, she will either try to follow him, or dissuade him, and he knows that his resolve will eventually falter under her determination. He puts on a mask of stubbornness and determination.

Suddenly, she is making rash promises, and his heart aches for the fervour in her voice. Her delicate fingers are dancing around his wrist as she fastens her wrist-guard to him. He can't bring himself to remove the polished greenstone – it will be nice to have a piece of her with him when he faces the Eagle Owl Mage.

"There," she says, satisfied with herself, " You can give it back when I find you."

He sees the burning determination in her eyes, but he will have his way tonight, and she will not be harmed because of him – not again.

"You mustn't try to find me." He stares into her eyes, trying to convey the message. But unlike in wolf-talk, communication via the eyes can easily be ignored.

"You can't stop me."

He is frustrated by her now. Can't she see? He _can't_ let her follow; he can't let her die for nothing. "Renn, _listen_! That creature ignored me and went after you. Because Eostra wants me alive, at least until Souls' Night – but she doesn't care about you! Well, I do."

His chest is unusually tight, fraught with emotion. He tries to rein himself in: "Stay with the Swan Clan. Get better. Go back to the Forest."

She doesn't even consider his words. "No!"

"Goodbye, Renn," and suddenly the emotion overwhelms him, and for a moment he loses composure: "Whatever happens, you know – you must know how much I..." He swallows, but the right words will not come. "May the guardian fly with you."

And, taking in her face for the last time, he bends down and presses his lips to hers. He is so surprised by his own actions that he almost misses the sensation of her soft, yielding lips under his. He inhales her scent – so much like his beloved Forest – before he pulls himself away.

He does not meet her eyes, but hastily retreats from the shelter before he loses sight of the monstrous fate that awaits him.

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><p>It is only has he crawls into his sleeping-sack that he recalls her mouth, surprisingly pliant for someone so stubborn, and deliciously warm. He thinks of her before he is taken by sleep; thinks of the future he wishes he could have with her.<p>

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><p><strong>Very short, I know. But sometimes I wondered what exactly was going through Torak's mind when he was around Renn, and this is the product of that curiosity.<strong>

**Oh, and a note to anyone considering alerting/favouriting this story:**

** a) this is a oneshot. So putting it on alert may be a bit superfluous. **

**b) for those of you who believe that favouriting a story is either equivalent to or somehow more complimentary than reviewing it, you're wrong. Favouriting this story when you have 200 other favourite stories doesn't mean that you think it's good - it just means that you're a favourite-whore and you're too lazy to review. I'd rather you tell me "this story is average because blah blah", than stick it under your favourites and not tell me why it's not worth reviewing.**

**Cool beans :)  
><strong>


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